17 June 2005

The cherry on top!

After waiting for "aunt flo" to arrive for 6 days, my mind was stretched to untold limits of the reasons for her delay. The usual suspects ran amuck in my head... but having had 2 children, and comforted in the thoughts that both times I knew at conception that their arrival was immenent... it created a timebomb which seemed to grow in capacity as each day past her due date dawned.

I felt as mount versuvious must have days before her erruption. Hot molten lava bubbling vicariously just below my superficial surface.

As expected... the blast could not be contained any longer and all hell broke loose as I woke in the early hours, tummy cramps ripping through my body, head pounding with excrutiating release, my emotions in shreds, swinging from balanced to weepy to fury to clumsy to intense adoration for my family members to pure hatred...I was a mess!

I decided to treat myself to a bag of early season giant M&S (Marks & Spencer) cherries. Seeing as I am trying to lose some of the weight I managed to pick up in the quitting smoking feature... I thought..."ok they are £6.00 a bag (or thereabouts) but wot the fuck... go on... it will be nice to have something healthy but yummy to munch at work."

Following a "ding dong" with hot spunky wot I love so much hubby, I arrived at work and managed to get my first clients nails done, My second client was kept waiting a little while and mentioned she was hungry...so I offered her some of my scrumaliscios extreemely expensive cherries.

I opened the fridge to get the bag of cherries....

No cherries!!!!!

Wheres my cherries??!?!?!

I go ask the other members of staff....

My colleague ( I never know how to fuckin spell that word) gasps...

"omg Freddie...I thought they were bad and threw them in the bin"

Do u know... I suddenly understood how premenstrual women could resort to murder in a split second! I found myself fantasising ways of making her suffer excrutiating plagues upon her house.

"I just bought those fucking cherries yesterday!!!!!"

I am SO fuckin glad this day is drawing to a close... and... someone is GOING to die if my friggin cherries arent replaced! I WANT MY CHERRIESSSSSSSS!

2 comments:

Tammy said...

OMG - the wrath of the PMS woman is nothing compared to a woman in the throes. My hubby knows that I just hate him once a month - and I do mean hate, he just ignores it but holy crap who the hell do I become.

I swear you are one of the few other people who I know who know exactly when they conceived their kids - I always had endless pregnancies as I knew from the moment - lol.

Bad luck on the cherries - have a bag in my fridge, can't believe how expensive they are in the UK!! Holy cow.

Dawn said...

That's funny. Fortunately I don't suffer that kind of PMS, however, a week before, careful not to stand still next to me for too long 'cos I WILL start eating you (behave, Yades!) with every one of the many packets of potato chips I consume almost 24 hours a day for several days!