This morning I woke up feeling like somewhere between road kill and erm...that which was killed on a road! Baz tried to question me on my whereabouts last night after he went to club duvet...and when I opened my mouth...I almost felt as though I was in manual voice overide features.
Swallow damnit throat! The man expects an answer! I said... SWALLOW!!!!....gulp....ok....I think its working now...."I was watchin my show on telly" Im thinkin...'who said that?' 'you did!' 'who?' "YOU!!!" 'didnt sound like me...' 'yea well tell that to someone who can breath!'
Moving swiftly on.... omg!! I have a late night at work today!! This means a 10am-8pm stretch.... and I feel like shit! Not only that but I have my very own version of Patsy coming in for a 3 hour makeover!! ACK!!!
I wish I could do a voice over of my impression of her voice.....but if u can picture this its goes... hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Freddieeeeeeeee dooo you think uuuu can make my nails less shiiiiney this tiiiiiime? who on gods green earth pays to have their nails LESS shiney?!?!?!?!??
So in walks "Pats"....her bottle blonde hair extensions all scraped back into a very very bad hairpeice, with the fringe kinda scooped over the side of her face, a really scarey jumper with some furry trim around the neck line, black skirt and black pumps, scarey make-up I tell u....SCAREY!! With her comes her version of Eddy...where she finds 'em...I dont even wanna know...
Pats goes....Hiiiiiiiiii Freddieeeeeee.....and hands me a proof sheet of photographs she has just had done of.....get this....HER!....NAKED!.....DRAPED WITH A GREEN THING.....NAKED!....FLOBBERLY BITS.....did I mention...NAKED!??! "which ones do u liiiiiike the best freddieeeeeee?" "dont worry about all the cellulite showing as they will be digitally removed"
Im thinking omg omg I have just slipped into Sex In The City episode number who gives a shit! Where Samantha does the same thing! Except Samantha isnt going on friggin 60 years old at the time!!!!! She then turns to her friend... "Eddy" and says...bearing in mind its 11:30am..."why dont u go for a glass of wine somewhere and u can bring me something to eat on your way back..."
oooOooooOo I LOVE these pics I coo...(this client is L.O.A.D.E.D!!) *please dear lord put me into fast forward!!!*
Finally I get through the 3 hours as her friend SWAYS back into the salon carrying a cup of red wine with her... "where have you beeeeeeen?" says Pats to "Eddy"... "I told u I would onlyyyyy beeeee an hour!! I was just coming toooo looook for uuuuu!"
And so passes another episode of "abfab"